Martha Stewart sadly I am not.

  So last Monday, the 29th of June my baby boy turned 5.  I had planned a party for him with an Avengers theme.  Then Sunday night Tropical Storm FLossie rolled in.  My hubby heard about how it had shifted and was heading straight for Oahu now so he was like lets cancel till next Monday.  Flossie turned out to be a flop.  So we canceled for no reason.  But I was like oh this will give me more time to get the stuff ready for the party.
   When will I learn.  I mean honestly.  Yeah Sunday rolls around and no cake was made, the shoulder was not ready to go in the smoker, nothing was done.  I am the Queen of procrastination.  And so is my hubby.  The hubs and I LOVE to cook.  I love to have people over and what not as long as its my house.  HOwever every single time I stress myself out.  So I was certain this time would be different.  Wrong.
   MOnday was the first day of school.  Since Kiley is in second grade she had a full day.  Josh had to go in for an hour to do a placement test.  This comes into play later.  I take her to school Monday morning.  I then come home and make his cake cause we make and decorate their cakes for their parties.  We used to though and I felt guilty.  Between the two of us the hubs and I can knock out some pretty awesome cakes.  So its normally not a big deal.  Yesterday it was a big deal.  Justin had to work unexpectedly.  Like I knew he wouldn't be there for the first walk to school due to a Town Hall Meeting but then he was supposed to be home the rest of the day.  A work emergency called him back to work.  So While he was at the Town Hall meeting I decided to flip the cake out of the pan.  It stuck, came out in pieces.  So I go into freakout mode.  Called the hubs.  Told him when you get home we have to run to Walmart (Commissary isn't opened on Mondays due to furlough so commissary was out) I have to get new cake mixes and redo this.  He then says ok why don't we just buy him a cake.  >.<  NO NO NO it has to be homemade.  He said go to Costco.  I will start the shoulder smoking we should get it done in time.  Famous last words.  His phone rang and suddenly he is back at work and I am scrambling to get some hamburger thawed since we are now doing burgers no long BBQ.  So I am freaking cause of this.  Then I get to Costco, they don't do Avengers cakes.  So I had to have them make me a plain cake.  She quotes me 30 minutes.  Ok I can do that that will put me leaving Costco by 11 still plenty of time to get home get things ready and then be able to take Josh to school at 115.  WRONG.  Cake fridge at Costco DIES so the baker is running around yelling I HAVE TO MAKE A CAKE and no one would let her they expected her to fix the fridge.  So 1130 I finally have the cake.  I grabbed some lunch at the costco snack bar (Cheapest meal on island) and then headed home.

  I get home and get things together.  Then realize crap I have to get him to school no biggie I drop him off at 115 pick him up at 205 with his sister I have almost an hour to myself to get the house picked up and floors mopped.  Justin calls.  I have to go to Walmart and get charcoal and floor cleaner. >.<  Ok baby I will be back in a second.  OH NO I can't leave him there I have to wait with him.  Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things but when I had planned on not being there for 90 minutes it was a huge deal cause his testing took longer than they had allotted.  Finally we got home, and got everything together.  Justin decorated the cake, I got the sides made but never again will I plan a party for the first day of school.

I am not Fat. I have fat. There is a Difference.

    I am fat.  There is no way around it.  I know, you all who know me know it its often pardon the pun, the elephant in the room.  Now I know some of you reading this will tell me OH NO you are so pretty you are not fat you are beautiful.  Yeah I know I am pretty nice to look at and it doesn't take away from me who I am but yes dear people who will praise me cause you love me, I am fat, and its ok to acknowledge it.  I have dealt with self loathing for a lot of my life.  I hide things well so most people don't realize that I was laughing with them but hating who I was inside.  I deal with self worth issues a lot.  Like I often wonder why Justin stayed with me or decided to go out with me in the first place.  In our marriage we have had the weight discussion many times.  And through out some of our roughest patches it was asked of me why does he stay with you you are well not exactly skinny.  He could have anyone why choose you?  Or my fave was when someone I was friends with told me that Her spouse wasn't a fan of me cause I was fat.  Really he doesn't like me only based off my weight?  WOW you sure got lucky landing him didn't you?  People often have the inability to discuss weight or the unpleasant attitude that you need to be told often that you are fat.
    Today I ran into two people who felt they needed to tell me I am overweight.  But they did it in a passive aggressive way that just it really hurt me.  And I was surprised it hurt me cause well since moving here I have become so self confidant I thought I was past this.  I will talk more about that in a minute.  But on to today.  I was standing at the front door at work checking Id's to get in.  There was a lady handing out Amway catalogs to people who I guess she felt needed them.  She gets to me and shows me her id and said here it looks like you could use one these.  I said thank you took the catalog and went on to check the next ID.  When I looked down I saw she hadn't handed me an Amway catalog.  She handed me a flyer for Amway's weight loss pills.  If she had included the catalog I would have been like Hmmmmmm horrible positioning for her to hand it to me.  But no catalog she just gave me a flyer.  I felt like I had been hit in the gut.  I am standing there with people milling around me having to smile through the hurt and be polite but inside I was crying.  Then not even 10 minutes after that a younger guy and his buddy came out the door laughing and said here have this and handed me like a insert for like GNC weightloss and exercise supplements.  REALLY?  REALLY?  TWICE IN ONE DAY?  Was today just the day I should have stayed home?  I managed to work through it and go on with my day.

   It stuck with me all day though.  Who in their right mind thinks its ok to tell someone hey here take some pills you need to loose weight.  Let me assure you if someone is overweight they know it TRUST ME they know it and they know they need to do something to loose that weight.  But you unless you know that person personally do not know if they are or they aren't doing something about it.  To the two jerks who felt the need to rain on my parade today.  I know what I need to do to loose weight and I am doing it. I am watching what I eat and i am exercising so you can take your GNC and Amway flyers and well politely shove them up your nose.  HOW DARE anyone tell someone else what they should do cause you as an outsider felt the need to 'help' them.  No its not helpful.  It is rude as all get out and they should be ashamed of themselves.
   I told you I have been feeling more self confidant since moving to Hawaii.  Here in the islands it seem to me that its not the size of the person that matters which personally I think should be that way everywhere.  Cause if you are overweight you are not fat you just have it.  Your extra weight does not define you or make you who you are.  I see people here on the beach who have such confidence with their bodies they don't care what they wear they go out and they enjoy their life and have not a care about what people think of them.  Since moving here I have realized that my self worth is priceless.  That my husband loves me more than words can say.  He thinks I am pretty hot and well that is the only person who matters if they find me attractive.  I don't have to be attractive for anyone but me, and well him cause well I like being that in his eyes.  I recently did pinup photos and a few boudior photos.  And you know what?  I looked amazing.  Maybe that makes me conceited but well I am allowed if complete strangers are gonna tell me I need to change then I need to be my biggest supporter.
   My weight will change I will loose it or I won't.  But no longer will my weight define me.  And it shouldn't define anyone out there.  People need to get over themselves.  Skinny doesn't mean beautiful.  Nor does it mean ugly either.  People should stop putting so much stock in their outer beauty and work on the inner.  Cause looks fade, but intelligence and inner beauty never stop.

A walk down memory lane.

  The other night Justin and  were sitting around talking and as always the conversation led to us missing the BIL and SIL.  I have many great friends and a few I consider best, but my SIL not only is she my best friend she is me sister from another mister, her family has became mine as well.  Her Dad and step mom are the kids god parents.  So it was no surprise when a few days later when I got caught in a winter rain monsoon here that I immediately thought of her.  We all used to be stationed at Campbell together.  Well the brothers were stationed we just lived there. :)  Both of them deployed with in a few months of one another so it was just me and her against the world, a lot.  I am a klutz, she is a klutz, together well its chaos.
   It was December and I was pregnant.  First baby, hubby gone, but I had my other partner in crime so it was good.  We were lounging on the couches watching food network, when we saw a white hot chocolate recipe, made wth booze.  Well of course I can't drink but Shawna could.  So we decided we would hit the class six (the liquor store) grab some godiva white chocolate liquor and grab some hot cocoa mix.  It then dawned on me HEY there is a midnight madness sale at the PX tonight lets hit that then go to the class six.
   In my defense I was pregnant.  My stupid butt looked at the wrong date while I was at work ( I was working there at the time).  We get there it is locked up tight.  Shawna says oh well lets head to the shoppette by the house then head home.  By the time we got to the shoppette it had started to storm.  Got a smidge wet running in there only to realize they didn't have what we needed.  So off to the class six we went.  She parked the car, we went in as soon as we got to the overhang the heavens opened up in a massive wall of water.  I grew up in KY I knew it wouldn't last forever.  It may still be raining but the ferocity of the downpour wouldn't hold up long.  We got in the store wandered around a bit discovered they didn't have what we needed either.  But I was like I need some corn flakes (remember I was preggo).  Waited in line.  Got my cereal I was like alright lets do this.  Got to the doors and STILL a torrential wall of water.  Now we had parked right next to the door like seriously the door had three spots right by it two were handicap and then the spot we were at.  So we literally stood there about 5 minutes debating on if we would run or not.  She had automatic locks, so it wasn't like we would have to wait or anything just run like the wind.  So we agree to just make a dash.  Both walk to the automatic doors and prepared to do it.  Before I stepped to the door I hesitated.  That was my mistake.
   When I hesitated, she pushed me through the automatic doors.  Me, four almost 5 months pregnant holding a plastic bag with some cornflakes in it, my loving BEST FRIEND pushed me into the monsoon.  By that time I had no choice but to run expecting her to be right behind me.  No, she wasn't RIGHT behind me.  She came a few seconds later but that few seconds was enough tme for me to be like I Have been abandoned.  I get to the car jump in the front seat and realize there is not a part of me that is not wet.  My underwear was soaked through.  MY CEREAL BOX was destroyed and t was in a plastic bag.  The rain was driving so hard that my mascara was running and I wear glasses and hadn't rubbed my eyes.  I was wearing Ultimate Lash by Mary Kay, I can SWIM in that and it not come off.  But there it was making me all raccoon eyed.  She gets in the car, starts recording me I was doing this weird laugh cry whine thing cause I was just like YOU PUSHED ME.  The best part of all was when she was recording she was talking and stated ITS FRIGGING RAINING.  Ummmmmm ya think?
  So now I have someone in my life who no matter what I go through I can always be reminded of something we have done together.  I am thankful everyday that my BIL married someone so freaking awesome.  She needs to get over here to this rock and visit me.

Like to make the Customers feel good.

  So tonight at work was not my night.  Thankfully I had some decent time on the registers I didn't break them like normal but tonight I was just a butter fingers or something.  I started off on express and I swear I threw things at the little bagger guy numerous times.  I told I him I promise I wasn't throwing things at him but then would turn around and things would fly out of my hands.  I couldn't seem to get a grip on money today either pennies were the freaking devil today.
   So once I got off of express I figured well I am in the clear I should be good.  No sorry it didn't work.  So my night was kind of uneventful until the last hour.  I had a lady who changed her mind so I had to take quite a few things back to be restocked.  With weight watchers help I have lost enough weight I don't need the customers to move their carts to get by them in check out I can squeeze past them.  Well tonight I managed to squeeze out but destroyed a can of corn.  Then I kept dropping my towels.  I also racked my elbow on a shopping cart behind me.  After that I was like well it can't get worse.  OH YES IT CAN.  I reached down to grab a paper towel and I grabbed a hand full of random stranger butt. >.<  I was expecting paper towels instead I grabbed athletic shorts.  His cashier said he got this huge grin on his face and I turned purple I was so embarassed.  Then the giggling started.  I thought I was gonna cry right there.  His wife was not impressed.  I apologized so much.  Here is hoping tomorrow is better.

Oh Pinterest......

  I admit I am a Pinterest obsessed housewife.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Pinterest has given me so many ideas.  Recipes, home improvements, everything.  Well here recently I have been looking for do it at home beauty treatments.  Cause of my new job I have to think of ways to get things done since I work until late a lot of spas and places like that are closed.  Not only that I am a cheap skate.  If I can do it at home I am doing it.  So tonight the kids were in bed, J was in the garage working on an order so I decided you know my nose is looking mighty nasty, why not do the at home biore strip.
    I went upstairs to take a shower so I was like you know I will wash my face with out putting on my lotion go down stairs and make up some of this diy biore strips.  I found a box on unflavored gelatin which is one of the two ingredients I needed.  I checked the box and saw it was expired by about 6 months.  Oooops.  But I am thinking I don't need it to make jello I need it to get sticky surly it will still get sticky.  So the recipe called for a packet of unflavored gelatin and a tablespoon to two of milk.  One tablespoon but if it looked to chunky to add another.  I had to add two.  Well then I was left with it being too runny.  I was like ok let me microwave it the amount called for 15 seconds and see if it gets thicker.  It didn't.  So I opened another package and poured a bit in it to make it a bit thicker.  Now I don't know if this is where it went wrong or the expired gelatin was where it went wrong.  But it went SOOOOOOO wrong.  However at this point in time I had no idea it was going to go wrong.
   According to the pin I used I was supposed to use a stick to spread it on my face.  Mine was still to thin to do that.  So I just dug my hand in and started slathering it on my face.  It was hot, really hot.  But I pressed on.  Cause it was on my hands it got in places I would have rather it not but I was thinking well its just gonna pull out the gunk from my face (yes this pin suggested using it on your whole face) so what if it got a little on my hair line or eyebrow no big deal.
  So it was finally on and I was advised by the blog that to let it sit there for about 15 minutes, and you would know it was ready because it would feel like your face was gonna crack.  So I sat there.  It was bad cause it smelled funny and well I can't see with out my glasses and I couldn't wear them while i had a gunky face.  15 minutes went by and parts of my face were still wet feeling and others felt a little tight I was thinking to myself success!!!!  Another ten minutes goes by and I am like wow feeling tight probably time to start peeling.  I went to take a drink of water and panic sets in.  OMG I CAN"T OPEN MY MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I forced it to open and felt a crack on my chin.  So I decided to start peeling from there.
   I supposed I Could have gone to the bathroom to do this but the hubby was still outside and I can't trust the dogs in the living room alone and if I took them to the bathroom they were gonna wake the kiddos up.  So I was like ehhhh i pull biores off where ever no biggie.  I pulled the first strip.  It felt like I was peeling off my first two layers of skin.  My face felt on fire.  So I stopped to get a breath and see if other parts were easier.   They weren't.  But I pushed through. After about 5 minutes I had most of my chin and a few parts of  my cheeks.  My nose was not budging.  By this time Hubby had walked in gave me an odd look and shook his head.  I said I will be right back I bet this will be easier in front of the mirror.  Sigh, I hate when I lie to myself.
   So I made it to the bathroom.  I can now see the parts that look loose a little easier and I start pullin.  My face no looks like a BAD sunburn.  red where the mask has been peeled off and then looking like it needed to be peeled everywhere else.  I start pulling and hit the part near my hair line.  OH SWEET MOTHER did that hurt.  But only a few pieces of hair came out.  So I am like ehhhhh ok what ever.  Then I start to pull the mask attached to my eyebrow and realized HOLY MOTHER OF GOD I am pulling out ALL MY EYEBROWS!!!!!  So I stopped.  I am rocking a tiny bit thinner brow on oneside but I caught it before I totally yanked it out.  By this time my face hurts, my eye brow hurts, my pride is hurt.  And my nose is STILL COVERED.  So I did what any self respecting housewife would do.  I pulled up my big girl panties took a swig of diet coke (After all I do have to work tomorrow) and washed that crap off my face.
   After scrubbing my face like 100 times I finally deemed it gelatin free and then moisturized my face.  So now I sit an hour after the whole ordeal with my face still red, my skin still raw, and my pride not so hurt but still walking with a limp.  I will give it one more time with fresh gelatin, but if it feels ANYTHING like this I will gladly pay as much as biore wants for pore cleaners.  No amount of money is to much to keep my flesh on my face.  So the score stands now Pinterest DIY 1 Me 0

I love makeup

  I will admit that I am a bigger girl.  I know I am pretty (not to sound conceited just being truthful) but I don't feel like it a lot of times.  I never think clothes look right on me, so that is why my normal attire is shorts, an oversized t shirt and flip flops (or slippers as they are called her on the island).  However makeup that is something I can do.  I may not be able to wear the hottest fashion trends but my weight has no bearing on the make up trend I wanna rock.  So I am constantly searching and buying new things.
   Most recently I decided I wanted a kick butt mascara.  My fave mascara was Rimmel Curly Girl and they quit making it.  More recent releases from Rimmel promised me it was just as good.  They lied.  It isn't just as good.  Maybelline Falsies is close and good in a pinch.  But I decided to hit up sephora and see what they had to offer.
   The first I tried was Yes they Are real by Benefit.  It was nice.  Didn't do what it said it would but it was nice coverage and wasn't really natural looking but didn't look fake if that makes sense.  However it flakes, bad.  So my eyes were always irritated while wearing it.  So that was a no go.
  Then I tried Buxom.  Now I love Buxoms lip plumpers so I figured the mascara would be just as awesome.  Once again, no not really.  For mascara is not bad, but my lashes didn't look fuller.
  I finally begged a sephora worker to help me find a mascara that I would love.  As for right now I am using two together. I am using stilletto by Loreal I think its is.  That gives me the length I need.  Then I do a coat over it of Sephora Outrageous Volume Mascara.  this mascara is AWESOME.  I love it.  However I am always on the search for something else.
  I recently bought Flat to Fab by Hard Candy.  I am gonna use it next.  The brush is promising but the smell makes my eyes water so I am HOPING that it will not be harsh on my eyes.  I also wanna check out Fairy Drops mascara.

It's her party and I'll cry if I want too

  Monday my baby girl turned 6.  Her daddy is on the mainland at school so he missed this one.  It sucks too cause he is my rock when it comes to planning parties and doing cakes.  He usually handles the baking and the decorating and I handle everything else.  We are a team.  Well last year I decided to buy her cake since he was deployed and I wasn't gonna do it alone.  I am lacking in the cake decorating department.  So this year since I didn't know where to get a cake here on the island I decided to make hers and decorate it.  Let me go back and tell you how monday went and the rest of the week first.
  Roxy is our dog, she is 100% puppy into EVERYTHING.  Kiley told me for her birthday she wanted a pineapple upside down cake.  Cook no biggie I can swing that.  So that Sunday night I made her cake.  Pulled it out and while it was still screaming hot flipped it out onto the plate so the caramel sauce could run over the cake.  Set it on the back of the counter and went upstairs to put the kids to bed.  I heard a HORRIBLE squeal and what sounded like someone banging on the counter.  I went running down the stairs rounded the corner of the kitchen to see roxy with screaming hot caramel all over her face and she was eating the cake that was WAY to hot to consume at that moment.  Thankfully I had another box of cake mix and a can of pineapple so I was able to remake the cake.  I could have KILLED the dog though.
   So we fast forward to Saturday the day of her party.  I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off.  However I decided to get ahead of the curve and had made the cupcakes and cake for her party the night before after they went to bed so all I had to do was Ice the cupcakes cause I even decorated the hello kitty cake Friday night.  I set the cupcakes on the counter then went to go put a load of laundry in the washer.  I came back in and Roxy had eaten every freaking cupcake.  No I take that back I think there were like 5 or 6 left.  The cupcakes were chocolate, dogs and chocolate do not mix.  So I am freaking out.  Is the dog gonna die am I gonna have to cancel the party to go to the vet to get her tummy pumped, what was I gonna do?  So I spoke to a few people, gave her some peroxide to get her to vomit the cupcakes up.  The amount of chocolate in the cupcakes wasn't enough to kill her but it could have made her sick so I was needing her to puke.  I also needed to get to the commissary to get a new cake mix, bake the cupcakes and ice them before 2.  It was at that time 9.
  According to my research the peroxide should have made her puke with in like 5 minutes.  I wanted her to puke before I went to the commissary cause I just KNEW she was gonna puke in her kennel all over herself and Remi.  So I sent her outside and decided while waiting for her to puke I would do the last minute cleaning.  5 minutes turned to 45 and still no puke.  Kiley comes running in the house and says Mommy Roxy ate the hose!!!!!  I went outside and she had chewed through the dang water hose. >.<  Dog are you seriously trying to give me a meltdown?  So I brought them in, drove to the Commissary got the mix and got back and started her replacement cupcakes.  The rest of the night went pretty good but I was so not able to enjoy her birthdy for the amount of stress my darling puppy placed on me.
  Even though the dog will be the death of me I can say she has brought a sense of happiness to the house.  Calmness and serenity not so much but happiness is a nice trade off.