You never let me do anything Dangerous

   Kids really do blow your mind with the things that come out of their mouths.  As an adult a lot of times you have to be the one to dish out punishment or be the stern voice of reason when all you really wanna do is dissolve into giggles cause of what was just said.  I truly believe it takes someone who is aware that they are crazy to agree to birth a child and be completely responsible for their well being until they are old enough to care for themselves.  Half the time I am not even sure I can care for my own well being much less a child.  But I have two and I can honestly say that if take a certain kind of crazy to raise a child or children it takes a level of insanity to raise a boy.
   Kiley was my first baby and I can say I was honestly spoiled by her.  Sure she had issues with reflux and colic in the beginning but all in all she was such a chill baby.  Car trips for the most part were a breeze.  There was this one time where she screamed from Atlanta to almost Nashville but trips like that were few and far between.  We would go outside and play and she never ran off she would stay with me where ever I was and play quietly and should she go to wander off I could say Kiley, and she would come back.  So when I discovered I was pregnant again when she was 16 months old I was like ok this is gonna be a breeze.  Oh I have never been more wrong in my life.
   From the moment he was born he decided it was going to be his way or no way.  I was scheduled for a c section at 39 weeks.  However at 36 weeks I went in for an NST and he was non responsive to the tests, wasn't moving, and had a low heart rate.  So they took me back for an ultrasound and it was determined if he stayed in much longer he would be at risk of not making it.  So I was scheduled for an emergency c section later that night.  At birth he was unable to regulate his blood sugar so for like three days he had to have an iv, with glucose to keep him from bottoming out.  From the start where Kiley had been chill Josh was a bit high maintenance.   If Kiley dirtied a diaper when little she would grunt and then keep a nasty face till changed.  Josh pooped and would SCREAM until changed.  Kiley got hungry she would whimper for her bottle only cry if she got completely through the roof ticked off.  Josh if the bottle was not waiting as soon as he woke up he would get so worked up you would have to calm him down to feed him.  He hated being in the car, he hated being in the swing, he hated being anywhere but on a blanket on his back or in your lap.  Don't get me wrong I wasn't miserable with him, no I love the little stink but it was like having opposite ends of the spectrum.
  Toddler years are interesting anyway but add the boys no fear attitude and I can tell you this is where I pinpointed my grey hairs.  He is constantly looking for things to get into.  Starting with as a 20 month old he used half a dog kennel as a sled and took it off the couch, the back of the couch.  I was in the bathroom and I heard a God awful racket and him running in the bathroom both hands up saying I ok I ok.  He has attempted to shave his lip off, he has bitten through his chin thinking he could fly, fallen down the stairs more times than I can count, spent hours while mommy and sissy were sleeping rearranging the pantry.  We have turned off the water to the sink in their bathroom, so to wash hands they must come to us to go to a working sink otherwise he spends his time pouring water in his dresser, the toy box, or anywhere that he can pour water.
   Since we have gotten to Hawaii Mommy has wised up.  We now have a bike lock on the frig cause otherwise he can bypass the child locks.  I woke up one morning to him with 6 empty jello cups, and an empty container of chocolate cream cheese.  He is constantly putting things in his mouth.  Since being here he has taken an exlax pill, and swallowed an air soft pellet that to the DAY i have no idea where he got it since we don't have them.  Here lately his new thing is if I tell him no he can't do something he stomps away declaring I am never allowed to do ANYTHING.  So after listening to to this for about three weeks today when he pulled that line I said Bubba do we not go to North shore and get ices?  Mommy takes you to the park, we go to the NEX for treats, you get toys, how does mommy not let you do anything?  He stops for a minute then looks at me and says You never let me do anything DANGEROUS!!!!  Well Son I guess you have me there how dare I not let you play with knives, eat raw eggs, or grab the dogs tongue and yank.  I am so not looking forward to his Teenage years and I am thinking of being commited when he starts to drive.